Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i came on her dog
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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