i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
