Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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