I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
