some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
