well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
