Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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