coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
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Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
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I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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