I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize