Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
