i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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