I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
