I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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