kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
