im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
