on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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