Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
