he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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