So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sorry about my life...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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