I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
