I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
