Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
