If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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