Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Who died my cat blue again?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
