He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
