where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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