census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
