ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize