i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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