I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
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