you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
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I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
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you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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