she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
