I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
