Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
