# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
