I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
