I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
