Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
