why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
