Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
