Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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