well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
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Princesses don't give blow jobs
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I will pee on everything he values.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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