he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
