the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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