Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
