you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
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The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
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The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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