i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
