yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
