i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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