she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
