You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
