She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
