Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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