nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
