I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
