It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
