And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
