Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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