Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
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We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
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This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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