I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
