So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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