Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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